Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
