If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
