Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
