U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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