I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
