Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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