i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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