His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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