No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
