singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
