All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
