the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
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we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
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I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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