Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
