I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
