he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
