I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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