I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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