do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
