it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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