We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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