went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
