he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize