so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Are my feet made of real feet?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
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