....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
