btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
