It was confusing and full of hummus
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
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Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
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So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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