ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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