Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
