I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Randomize
