We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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