I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
