the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
