First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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