He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
you never un-have a 4some
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
