Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize
