he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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