I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
