i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Little spoons don't ask big questions
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
