In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
