I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
