I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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