if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
