If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
