Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
