She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
