i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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