if i can run in heels then i can drive
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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