I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
