I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
