Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize