my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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