Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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