I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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