You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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