Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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