he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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