she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
