i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
