nut hugger
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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