why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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