how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
