Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
