I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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