I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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