her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
