Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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