It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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