there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
